


堕落, fallen

by Rei_Rei (anti60ne)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:30:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anti60ne/pseuds/Rei_Rei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jongin falls from grace, and luhan may be his savior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	堕落, fallen

**genre:** office!au  
 **pairing:** jongin/luhan  
 **rating:** r  
 **word count:** 3239  
 **summary:** jongin falls from grace, and luhan may be his savior.  
 _i know i said i was going to only post fics on my personal journal but i changed my mind :s i just have a pathetically low level of confidence in my writing and that's why i didn't want to post on here anymore. but i guess i should still utilize this comm now that i've created it so yar._

Luhan catches a movement out of the corner of his eye. He tilts his head sideways.

Jongin is dozing off. _Again._

Luhan sighs. His next-cubicle colleague is probably suffering from sleep deprivation plus hangover from staying out late the night before. _Again._ He raises a hand hesitantly and gingerly places it on Jongin's shoulder. Luhan shakes the guy, his head swaying lethargically.

"Psst. Jongin. Wake up."

Jongin stirs, but does not open his eyes. Instead, his upper body slumps forward and his face smashes the keyboard, sending an endless string of incoherent letters on the blank Word document. Luhan stares in horror. He furtively whips around his head. The office is quiet, but everyone else seems to be too engrossed in their own work to notice how Jongin just made a fool of himself, besides the fact that he is now blatantly taking a catnap at his computer.

"Goddammit," Luhan mutters under his breath, biting his lower lip.

Jongin is notorious for tardiness in all definitions of the workplace. He comes in to work late. He hands in reports late. He shows up to meetings late. He even leaves late, but that's because he's usually half-asleep and has already lost track of time.

As his next-cubicle neighbor, Luhan is about fed up with Jongin. He wishes Jongin would get a grip of himself already and get his life together so his team members don't have to suffer the routine anxiety attacks and insomnia when Jongin's share of the work is nowhere to be located as the deadline approaches. Luhan, as the team leader, is more than entitled to kicking Jongin off the team, but he hasn't, and he never will.

Because Jongin, as unfortunate as it is, produces the best work among his team members, and amounts to about 80% of the reason why Luhan's team manages to snag the team of the month title every month. After pulling an all-nighter the night before the deadline and thereafter losing several years of their lives, that is.

Luhan gives up. He gets up from his chair and stomps, as quietly as he can, out the office, while stuffing a pack of Davidoff and a lighter in his pocket.

Luhan is not a habitual smoker. He only smokes when he's extremely frustrated, which usually concerns work, of which usually involves Jongin. He creaks open the back door of the office building and steps into a shabby patio behind the security guard's office. It's a common spot for cigarette breaks, something he learned after catching Jongin slithering out the back door during lunch break and later returning to his seat with a whiff of nicotine.

He pulls a cigarette out of the pack that still looks new, though he had purchased it a few weeks ago. Luhan inspects the white stick held between his fingers before lighting it, left hand shrouding the flame. He takes a long drag as he closes his heavy eyelids, letting the burn travel down his throat and into his lungs.

"I didn't know you smoked."

Luhan flings his eyes open. He stares at an expressionless Jongin shuffling toward the wall opposite him while scooping out a Marlboro from his own pack. Jongin slumps his back against the wall and slides down, his right hand working the lighter as his eyes lock with Luhan's incredulous slash embarrassed glare. Luhan doesn't know if he should reprimand his staff for taking the liberty to follow up a nap with a smoke break, or if he should scramble out of there before Jongin relinguishes all respect--if there was any to begin with--he has of Luhan as his supervisor.

"Only once in a while," Luhan replies flatly, his eyes skittering across Jongin's face as the younger man exhales a prolonged stream of smoke. "When I'm frustrated."

The addition was not planned, and Luhan throws himself off-guard. He frowns at the overshare and avoids Jongin's questioning eyes beneath raised brows.

"Huh."

The indifferent response somehow pushes Luhan over the edge. It's worse than no response at all because to Luhan's ears, the half-assed monosyllable is more patronizing than humoring. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he already knew that Jongin doesn't give a shit. Why else would the guy continue his delinquency and disregard every single talk ranging from pseudo-therapy to unreserved yelling that Luhan has ever sat him down for? But maybe it's the nicotine revving his adrenaline, or maybe it's the long accumulated emotional concoction of bitter resentment and concerned frustration, Luhan opens his mouth and unleashes.

"You just don't give a fuck, do you? Constantly being late with every single thing you're responsible for, things that you're being _paid_ to do and finish on time, and you just act like it makes no difference." Jongin looks up lazily, but his eyes grow larger as Luhan continues, his voice growing louder. "I-We only put up with you because you're good at what you do. And I really fucking want to fire you if not for the fact that you're so fucking good that I probably won't be able to find someone else as good as you are. But it's really fucking unfair that you can be such a _dick_ and get away with it, every single time."

Luhan finally stops, blinking and processing the vocabulary that makes himself flinch and the potentially excessive use of expletives. Jongin watches him, darkened eyes so intensely unreadable that it makes Luhan's insides squirm. But Luhan squares his jaw; he's said it and there's no taking it back.

"I know," Jongin mutters as he lowers his eyes to the half-burnt cigarette. "I'm sorry."

The apology takes the form of a near whisper and for a split second, Luhan thinks maybe he had imagined it. He takes in the sight of Jongin running a hand through his already tousled hair, a tinge of what may be despair flickering in his downcast eyes. Luhan heaves a particular heavy sigh. He glances at the cigarette in his hand; the white coat rapidly sears, morphing into a mass of ashes that threatens to fall any time. Luhan takes a drag before flicking the ashes off.

"Then why? Why do you keep doing it?" Luhan's voice comes out weights softer. _Give me a reason and maybe I'll forgive you, though that's what I've been doing all this time without a reason anyway._ The thought blindsides Luhan and baffles him into a frown. He tries to blink it away.

Jongin doesn't answer. He looks down at the white stick wedged between his index and middle fingers, watching his life shorten and extinguish into nothingness before his very eyes.

Jongin is a social butterfly. Everyone in the company knows, even those much less aware of his late-night routines of making rounds from one party to the next. He's mindnumbingly charismatic, his voice perpetually carrying a mesmerizing lilt that turns ears compliant and mouths curved into smiles of approval. Jongin has a way with words and people, and that, along with him being naturally gifted with financial forecasting, renders him almost invincible. But his weakness is a secret, one that has become both his lifeline and downfall.

"I..." He begins hesitantly. The cigarette has reached beyond the yellow line and the flame sizzles quietly. Jongin tosses the butt into a nearby garbage can. He pulls out another stick and lights it, inhaling deeply before he decides to continue, as if the carcinogen makes him braver than he would have liked. "I feel like I need it, even though at the end of the day, I hate myself so much because I end up so fucking tired that I can't even think, and 9 out of 10 times I'm hunching over the toilet bowl puking my guts out." His eyes drift listlessly toward some point down the empty back alley. Perhaps it's the mental exhaustion dishibiting his thoughts like inebriation would, Jongin finds himself unable to shut up, and words continue to careen past his dry lips and into the stuffy air between him and Luhan.

"At some point, it feels like I made the right choice because I feel... important. Everyone loves me. People would only go somewhere if I'm going to show up. They let me get in for free. I get discounts on bottle service. I get VIP tables reserved for me and my friends. I get special treatment and... it sounds stupid, but it makes me feel special. I guess I'm addicted to that feeling because after a while, I could no longer say no to invites, or turn people down when they call me up and ask if I'll be at some party. It'd be like 10PM and I'm ready to pass out, but a few minutes later I find myself getting changed and throwing myself into a cab. And then it repeats," Jongin plops his head down on his arms that are crossed over his knees. The cigarette dangles between his fingers and the flame almost reaches his skin when Luhan lunges forward and snatches it, flinging it to the ground. Jongin raises his head when Luhan crouches down and catches the younger man's bloodshot eyes, screaming for help.

"I don't know how to stop." The words are buried underneath a suppressed whimper and for an instant, Luhan feels his heart skip a beat.

Jongin struggles to keep his eyes open, but Luhan has already seen enough. At the end of the day, Jongin is as insecure as an unlocked safe holding too many secrets. He thirsts for acceptance and to sustain that, he feels the need to pour himself out until his everything is drained and depleted. It hurts, but the pain keeps him going back for more. It's a vicious cycle that never ends, and Jongin's fall to casual self-destruction Upon this realization, Luhan's chest gives a tug larger than sympathy. Much larger than he would have liked.

_Why do you do this to yourself? Why are you so fucking dumb? Will you just grow up?_ These are things that Luhan often imagined himself saying to Jongin if they ever found themselves in a confrontation, in which Luhan would exploit the momentary animosity in the air and lash out, get all of his frustrations out of his system. But none of those are even close to making it to the frontline of Luhan's consciousness, suddenly clogged by the unspoken misery scintillating between the shadows in Jongin's eyes.

"I want to help you, Jongin," Luhan hears himself offer, the gentleness swimming in his voice too foreign to his own ears. "But I don't know how."

Through dilated pupils, Jongin looks into Luhan's large eyes telling of something oceanic and soothing, and it frightens him and draws him at the same time. Something snaps in an unknown corner of his soul while another thing clicks inside his muddied head.

Could it be possible that he was subconsciously fucking himself up in order to get Luhan's attention? Jongin muses and the answer claws at the back of his mind. Coming into work late earns him a glare from Luhan. Handing in reports late gains him a disappointed shake of head and sometimes, a stern talk in private. Falling asleep at his desk renders a personal wake-up call. It suddenly dawns on Jongin how much of a brainless asshole he has been.

Instead of drowning in ethanol-infused pools of self-liquidation, he could, perhaps, just spontaneously combust in the incinerating sin that is Luhan.

"There _is_ something you could do... I suppose," Jongin breathes as he tugs his lower lip between his teeth, a smirk tucked away at the corner of his full lips to which Luhan, despite himself, trails his gaze. His mouth suddenly dries when Jongin traces a finger across his knee cap, the minute heat from his fingertip is jarring through the thin fabric of Luhan's slacks.

Jongin pushes himself off the ground and leans against the ashy wall. Luhan, a bit slow on the uptake, blinks as he follows suit, hauling himself up.

"What?" Luhan croaks as a million and one thoughts are crashing into one another in his head. _No, you can't. This is crazy, Luhan. He's your fucking employee for heaven's sake._ And then more comes in waves, drowning out the voice of sanity and slaying the angel perched on the shoulder of his mind. It doesn't take long before the whole of his rationality lies lifelessly in a bloodbath, and what has been holding Luhan back falls, hard and face-first, to its demise.

"This."

Jongin grabs Luhan by the collar and Luhan doesn't get to swallow the lump in his throat when Jongin's lips crash into his in ruthless hunger. An ache emerges somewhere down south and Luhan finds his teeth unclenching and his tongue clashing with Jongin's, claiming the cavern he didn't know was reserved for him. Jongin moans into Luhan's mouth, sending obscene vibrations down the older man's throat as Luhan sucks on his lips, his hands straining against Jongin's nape and his cock hardens as it presses into the other erection, drawing a hiss from the younger man.

"Hyung..." Jongin murmurs along the curves of Luhan's lips, his gaze flickering in hesitation, asking for reassurance. Although they're not technically on company grounds, they are still in public, and someone could come out through the back door any minute. On a more practical level, Jongin doesn't want to get himself and/or Luhan fired for public indecency. Luhan, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be too concerned; for him, what is right and wrong has already blurred and dissolved into nothingness.

"This," Luhan lightly palms Jongin's cock, stretching painfully against the seams of his pants. Jongin's breath hitches and he gulps, eyes widening in surprise. "would help, right?" Jongin can't find it in himself to reply, because all of his senses safe for touch have abandoned him the instant Luhan slides a hand past Jongin's belt and into his boxers. As Luhan wraps deft fingers around his cock, Jongin could only shut his eyes and bite down on his lips before a needy groan escapes, his hands involuntarily moving to unbuckle and shove down his pants. With his left hand pressing unspeakable want  into Jongin's chest, Luhan begins to pump Jongin with his right, slowly at first as if familiarizing himself with the length, before gaining speed and reducing Jongin into a mass of erratic breaths. For a lack of a better alternative for placing his hands, Jongin pulls Luhan by the shirt and into a sloppy kiss rife of bad choices.

Luhan suddenly releases Jongin's cock, and the younger one parts his heavy-lidded eyes in bewilderment.

"Don't worry, I'm not done yet."

Luhan pulls Jongin into a corner further into the patio that Jongin didn't know existed.

"Now we're out of the camera's angle."

Of course. For a moment, Jongin was too caught up in the heat to be aware of the precautions required.

"Now..." Luhan locks glazed eyes with Jongin as he slowly rubs the precum-smeared thumb over his lip. "Where were we?" Chills race up Jongin's spine and he feels those crimson lips calling his name, and he realizes just how far down they've fallen.

Luhan takes Jongin's cock into his hand again before dropping to his knees. Jongin widens his eyes, stunned, but whatever qualms he had vanish when Luhan enclose his pretty lips around his cock and the length disappears into Luhan's mouth. Luhan swirls his tongue around the shaft as he sucks, his right hand massaging the balls while his left stroking Jongin's trembling thigh. Jongin interlaces his fingers with the ash blonde strands of Luhan's hair before his mind blanks and all that remains within him is pressurized euphoria waiting to explode.

When he's near, Jongin tries to pull away, not knowing if Luhan swallows and if not, he wouldn't want to get Luhan's clothes dirty. But Luhan grabs his ass and pushes Jongin's cock back in, pulsating dangerously against the roof of his mouth. He looks up and from those clouded eyes, Jongin knows Luhan wants to taste him to the last drop. A tidal wave of endorphin mercilessly turns Jongin inside out and he comes in violent catharsis, something lurking and stirring in the pit of his stomach as he watches Luhan suck him dry.

Luhan gets on his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He runs his tongue along his upper lip, and Jongin stares, a mass of heat burning against the back of his throat.

"So," Luhan takes a step forward and closes the distance between the two. "Was that helpful?"

Jongin is wordless as he stumbles into the mischievous glint in Luhan's eyes. He's already fallen, yet he continues to fall.

Luhan glances down at his watch and swears.

"Fuck, Jongin, we've been down here for too long." Luhan eyes the younger man, who seems to be taking a little time to process what just happened. "Well, I'm going to go up first. Come up in like a minute or two. After you pull your pants up, that is." Jongin turns a minute shade of pink and scrambles to dress himself.

Luhan chuckles, then looks down and fixes his shirt. He strolls toward the back door when Jongin calls.

"Wait, hyung." Jongin steers the older man around, and Luhan's confusion dissipates as Jongin's hand reaches up and fingers through his disheveled hair. "Your hair."

As Jongin concentrates on returning Luhan's hair to its previous state, Luhan studies the beautifully chiseled face that he has looked at countless times before but never watched, and he thinks there is perhaps no end to this road to perdition. And he's perfectly fine with that.

Luhan twists around before pulling the ledge on the back door.

"One more thing," Jongin looks up from fiddling the buckle on his belt. "If you think this is helpful, come to my place tonight instead of whatever parties you are expected to attend."

Jongin stares, incredulous, his heart thumping too loud inside his chest for him to accept his redemption. 

///

Luhan is lounging in his bed with a paperback when his doorbell rings. He frowns and looks at his watch. It's a quarter past 10. He isn't expecting anyone to visit, at least not at this hour. And then he remembers; his offer to Jongin earlier today, but he doesn't think Jongin would actually take up on it, or not this soon. After all, it takes one 21 days on average to quit a habit.

Nonetheless, Luhan peels his body off the bed and pads bare feet toward the door. He looks through the peep-hole. It is Jongin, but Luhan almost doesn't recognize him in a leather jacket and grey distressed jeans, his hair styled in a perfect tousle and eyes lined with a faint glimmer of dark grey, a look that typically preludes a night of debauchery.

"I'm sorry, hyung," Jongin rushes to an explanation as Luhan opens the door, scratching his head awkwardly. "I know it's late but-"

"It's okay." Luhan smiles at the flustered Jongin and pulls him in by the hand, the warmth in his palm persuades Jongin that he's at the right place, at last. "You're here. That's all that matters."

Maybe habits don't need 21 days to break. Maybe all Jongin needed was a moment of atonement that redirects him to a different kind of fallenness.  


 

 

 

 

A/N: this was based on true events. i got the idea for the premise from my coworker, who is what Jongin's character is based on, and my desperate attempt to help her, in one way or another. i certainly did **not** mean for this to go past pg13, i don't really know how it progressed as it did ~~but at least i didn't write porn /pats on back~~


End file.
